A Walk in the Park, A Walk in the Dark

It's 12 am in the morning, a little more than a week before the exams, I'm working through my notes on Active Edge Tables at (ironically) the kitchen table.

But my concentration is zero. I'm depressed, heart-aching, pessimistic as hell and every so often I keep getting a vision of myself failing miserably and failing out of the course in shame. In the background, some building's buglar alarm was incessantly whining away. Not ideal study conditions, anyone must admit. In the end, I threw down the notes in frustration and wondered what on earth could I do to calm myself. My eye fell on the garbage bin in the kitchen. It was full.

A five minute walk in the night air would clear my head. So I thought. So I collected the garbage bag, dragged my housemate along (I'm not so much an idiot to go out alone in London at 12am in the morning) and went out for a short walk in the square near my house after putting out the garbage. She was only too glad for a break and came along.

We walked around the square for a bit, then took another route back to the mew where the house was. To those who don't know what a mew is, think of it as a cul-de-sac, but instead of plain walls, you get houses in them. Still, mews are creepy places, because they're usually dimly lit and there's rarely anyone other than the residents and loiterers around. In this case however, as we approached narrow the mew entrance, we realised two men were lurking around there.

Did I mention it was rather late and this particular area isn't very... savoury after 11? "Crap." I think. "I forgot to bring that personal attack alarm my sis gave me."

"Erm, Want to go for another round around the square?" I ask Jen.
"Uh, yeah." She said. No doubt she was beginning to regret coming along on this daft (and probably dangerous) midnight excursion of mine.

As we passed, the men threw some uncomfortable remarks our way. But we only nodded and kept walking. Rounded the corner, into the square again. Looked back. At least they hadn't followed. As we walked down the square, I noticed on the other side, two men standing on the square benches. Standing, not sitting. Whatever for, I don't want to know.

We cut left, heading for the main road. At least it'd be brighter there, as we were beginning to get a little spooked by the odd characters lurking around this time of the night. On the way we passed a couple of women who were undoubtedly prostitutes (hint, they were sticking erm... advertisements in the telephone booths), the usual tramps and then a bunch of drunk youths out for the night... We ducked into the still-open McDonalds for some respite.

"So, back to the mews?" I suggested after a while. We both didn't like the idea of returning with those loiterers there. Mugging is a common enough occurence in London, I needn't say two young girls are always easy targets. Granted, at least one of these girls this case may have a rather unhealthy fascination with firearms and blades, but not being in possession of either, that was not much help either.

We headed back cautiously, crossed the road and checked the mew entrance. The men were gone. Gratefully we headed in, still cautious, and got home in one piece.

One thing I did realise when I locked the front door. The feeling of apathy was gone. Maybe it was just the relief, but I did finally see the truth I should have seen earlier.

It doesn't matter if I muck up in relationships. My world won't end even if the worst happens and I fail my exams.

I am still alive. That's all that matters.